


Michael and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by Thorne



Category: Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-19
Updated: 2010-02-19
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorne/pseuds/Thorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael has a bad day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Michael and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> Set during the 2005 XI FINA World Championships in Montreal. Ruining childhood memories for fun and profit.

I went to bed with wet hair and now there's cowlicks in my hair and when I got out of my speedo this afternoon I tripped on a pair of goggles and by mistake I dropped my swimcap in the toilet while it was flushing and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast Aaron found chocolate chips in his pancakes and Ian found blueberries in his pancakes but in my pancakes all I found was pancakes.

I think I'll move to Australia.

In the meet the officials told me to get in lane five. Massimiliano and Nicholas got to be in lanes four and six. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said if I don't get to be in lane four like Grant I am going to get DQed. No one even listened.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

In the race Bob liked the Australian way of doing flip-turns better than my way of doing flip-turns. At the starting gun time he said I was starting too slowly. After I was done swimming, he said I left out acceleration. Who needs acceleration? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Ian said I wasn't his best swim clinic partner anymore. He said that Lenny was his best swim clinic partner and Brendan was his next best swim clinic partner and that I was only his third best swim clinic partner.

I hope you fall off a starting block, I said to Ian. I hope next time you swim butterfly your goggles fall off your face and your speedo falls off your legs and lands in Australia.

There were PowerBars in Nate's snack bag and Neil got granola bars with chocolate chips and Jason's coach gave him Odwalla Bars _and_ blue Gatorade. Guess whose coach forgot to pack snacks for in between races?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because after the race my coach took me to the masseuse and he found a small muscle cramp just in my back. Come back next week and I'll fix it, said the masseuse.

Next week, I said, I'm going to Australia.

On the way through the locker room the door swung into my face and while we were waiting for the officials to come back with the lineup, Massimiliano made me fall where it was wet and when I started to swear because of the puddle Nicholas said I was a shark biscuit and while I was punching Nicholas for saying shark biscuit the officials came back with the lineup and laughed at me for being wet on the ass and fighting.

I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even wrote it on a clipboard.

So then we went to the Speedo reps to get some Fastskin swimsuits. Ian chose a grey legskin with yellow stripes. Grant chose a blue high-neck with green stripes. I wanted a full body black one with no stripes, but they didn't have one. There were none in the inventory. They made me take a blue kneeskin with grey stripes, but they can't make me wear it.

When we picked up Coach Salo at his room he said I couldn't play with his stopwatch, but I forgot. He said to watch out for the clipboards and paperwork on his desk, but I was careful as could be except for my left elbow. He also said don't fool around with his telephone, but I think I called Australia. Coach Salo said please don't pick him up anymore.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There was cold pizza for dinner and I hate cold pizza.

There was breaststroke in the heats and I hate breaststroke.

The cool-down pool was too cold, I got chlorine in my eyes, my flip-flops fell in the pool, and I had to wear my red and blue tracksuit. I hate my red and blue tracksuit.

When I went to the pool Jason took back the cap he said I could keep and my goggles' elastic band snapped and I stubbed my toe.

The fans want to sleep with Grant, not with me.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

My coach Bob says some days are like that.

Even in Australia.


End file.
